- By katrina
- Published 07/21/2009
- Cancer
-
Rating:
Unrated

It%u2019s amazing how your life can change in a split second. It%u2019s amazing how one day your biggest worry can be what you are going to wear that day, to something life changing. I know first hand because it happened to me.
My mom and me had a pretty good relationship with each other. We had your usual mother daughter scuffles, but for the most part we were close. Looking back I realized that even though I was 25 and on my own, I still counted on my mom for a lot of things. Chicken soup when I was sick, unconditional love, her macaroni and cheese, and knowing that no matter what I would always have someone in my corner to turn to.
January 18, 2008 started out as a typical morning for me. As usual I over slept and was rushing to get out the door for work. Before I could walk out the door it happened, the phone call that would change my life forever. I was told that my mom was in the hospital. They weren%u2019t sure what was wrong with her. They just knew from x-rays that she had a spot on her liver and on her lungs. I really wasn%u2019t sure what to think at that point. I just rushed to the hospital to see what was going on. At first the doctors were hopeful. They took my mom into surgery and did a biopsy on the tumor on her liver. They told my brother and me that there was no way the tumor on her liver could be cancerous. This of course put my worries at ease. It took a few days for the biopsy results to come in. In the mean time they kept my mom in the hospital. I remember the day we found out the results clearly. That day my brother, grandmother and me were sitting in the hospital room with my mom. I remember the doctor walking in the room and standing at my mom%u2019s bedside. I remember him saying the three little words that took so long to sink into my brain. I remember him saying %u201CYou have cancer.%u201D
I%u2019m the type of person that always tries to stay positive. I told myself that everything would be ok. They would cure this. My mom later found out the cancer had started in her bile duct. It is a very rare cancer called cholangiocarcinoma. She decided to go to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Philadelphia. She had to go weekly for chemotherapy. It%u2019s hard watching someone you love going through chemo. The nausea and the weight loss alone are hard to watch. My grandmother stayed with my mom through all of this. I thought I was helping her my letting her get her rest when she was home. Looking back I don%u2019t know if that was real reason. I think it was just hard for me to see my mother like that. She was always so strong and full of life. It was so hard to look at her and see her look weak and fragile. My mom told my brother and me that her cancer was getting better and the doctors were hopeful. I really believed everything would be ok. I later found out that my mom lied to us. Her cancer was not ok. She knew from the beginning that her cancer was in stage 4 and there was a good chance the chemo wouldn%u2019t be able to help her. She never told us. It was just like her to never want to worry others. As soon as I found this out I started doing research online. I quickly found out that the outlook didn%u2019t look good. I remember not being able to breath when I read those articles online. I remember sobbing for hours. I remember wondering how I would live my life without my mom.
I received the phone call three months after she was diagnosed to come to her side to say my goodbyes. Goodbye? How do you say goodbye to your mom? It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had to watch the one person who I knew would love me no matter what leave. After all the years that she held my hand when I was scared, I held hers while she left me. The hardest thing I ever had to do was let go of my mother. I know she is in a better place now without pain. The day she left was the day that an angel got her wings.
Cancer is a terrible disease. I really don%u2019t know what is worse, the cancer or the chemo. We all must pray that one day we will find a cure for all cancers.